Saturday, May 20, 2017

Drive - A Memoir 116th Installment

He’s gone,” Edith said simply. “We’ll do the milking this morning and tell you more after a while. I think you need some time to yourselves.”

I sat for a minute then got up and started pacing back and forth. I was feeling a lot of things, but all-out bawling wasn’t my style. I felt more distressed about what would change, not in the community, but in me. I suddenly felt that maybe something was wrong with me mentally. Shouldn’t I be crying or angry? I looked at Russ; he hadn’t got up to pace but was just sitting and staring. Maybe I was okay – at least we were the same. Demonstrating emotions was something Edith and Vernon had never allowed before. How do we deal with this? I should be shaken to my core, but I didn’t know what emotion to feel or how much.

After a while I said, “Let’s go out and finish the chores.” I paused, then continued, “I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know what to think. Right now I think I like the old rule, ‘If you’re bored or have a bad emotion, you can go to work,’ and I would like to go to work.”

Me too,” Russ whispered looking real sad. I wondered what I looked like.

When the work was done and everyone had returned to the house, Russ asked, “What are we going to do? What’s planned? Do we have a funeral and bury him somewhere?”

No,” Edith told us, “his family has arranged to have him sent back to Texas.”

You told them!!” I screamed. “You told the S.O.B.s in Texas!” Now I deeply felt an emotion…ANGER. “How could you! Tex never wanted them to know where he was. You really screwed this up!”

You have been allowed to make choices and decisions, to control the things around you.” Edith started to explain.

But you told them and that was wrong!” Russ was more miserable than angry.

I’m afraid that you may believe you can always have things the way you want. But life has rules. When you grow up there are rules, things that are right even though you don’t believe them to be right. It was the right thing to do to tell his family. They are his family for heaven’s sake.” Edith was attempting to explain and help us understand.

It was the responsible thing to do,” Vernon said. “When you’re older you’ll understand responsibility.”

We’ve grown up fast, too fast. I guess we trust you to know what’s right.” I had spent all of my new found emotion and didn’t argue anymore.

The next day I asked Edith, “We’d like to know what happened at the hospital – you know – closure.”

Edith started, “When we got there, Tex was in intensive care, still unconscious from the surgery. We waited for a

500 more words tomorrow

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